Okay. So. I know I already made a post, and I know a bunch of you already read it, but I really feel like I need to get it out of my head more. This is the only type of writing I can do, and will ever be able to do, which is explaining my thoughts into words. I'm going to try to write as if I'm writing to someone who hasn't been to the SW, which is what i've been trying to do all day. Sorry for spamming the group.
Three years ago, my mom bought this writing curriculum. I didn't want to do it. I hated writing. I had no interest in writing a novel. I couldn't care less. As we were opening the box, there was something in there about a students forum. I thought "Hey cool! I like forums." So I joined them.
And that's when it all started.
I joined the forum. The first person to welcome me was Eric Johnson. I continued to get more and more welcomes. It was cool. People are nice here. I started stuff around the forum, and I got involved. I started the curriculum. My story idea was choppy for awhile, but I pressed on and continued. I took a break from doing lessons for awhile, I don't know why. But I kept doing the forum. I really enjoyed the people there, and I loved talking to people even though they were writers and I wasnt.
A year later, this thing called the "Summer Workshop" came up. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was just this thing where you go and do writing stuff and then come home. When it was over, however, I saw people posting about how sad they were. I saw how they seemed to really like it. Huh. That got me thinking. I saw in the forum there was a topic for these signed pages things so I signed up for the heck of it. A few weeks later, I received in the mail a giant book full of signatures of people that had been there. Wow. They say things like "miss you want you here"
People on the internet are real. They seem cool. Woah.
Next year, it happened again. More signed pages. More signatures. More friends. Wow.
Sometime around then, I had to finish my novel. With the help of a lot of people, I proudly finished my OYAN, not even caring about how short it was. I had done it. Me, a non writer, and just written a novel. Woah. I did it.
That year's SW was probably the hardest to go through. That year, I had finished my novel. I had knew what it was. But I still thought of it as a stupid writing conference that would bore me out of my skull if I went. Sure, there might be cool people, but WRITING. OH LORD HOW COULD I STAND IT. It happened again. The statuses about withdrawal. THe sadness. I thought again.
Somewhere around that time Mrs. S asked me to help moderate a few boards on the forum. I accepted, and continued to make more friends, and continued to become more involved in the community. Sometime around December or January, I finally expressed my interest in the SW to my mom, which I thought was against my better judgement. We talked about it for awhile, and decided that it would be a cool thing to do, but we weren't sure yet. I don't know. I continued to make really awesome friends and be active as a semi moderator in the community.
Then, everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
Okay not really. But something happened that would change this story forever. Someone noticed my contributions to the forum. Someone noticed that I was actually a part of the forum. Someone noticed. Because of that someone, attending the SW was no longer a large problem financially. So there it is guys. I wouldn't go if it wasn't for that. That's my secret. I wouldn't have gone if it hadn't been for that. Because of that moment, I knew this was my year. I had to do it.
I told my parents about it. We talked more about it. After a few days of mulling it over, they said yes. I was going to the SW. I couldn't believe it. Was this a good decision? Until the day I arrived at the SW, I seconded guessed my decision. Was it a good idea? Would I really enjoy this?
In the weeks leading up to the SW, I talked to a great many of you about it. I am so sorry for not believing you when you said it was a really awesome week. You guys said it was epicness defined. You guys said it was the best week ever. But I still second guessed. How could a conference about writing be so awesome? Wouldn't it get boring for me while I was there? Even up at that point, I still thought of it as some stupid writing conference but hey at least I get to meet cool people.
A month left. I wasn't thinking about it. I was too focused on graduation.
Two weeks left. Graduation consumed my thoughts.
One week. I was thinking about it. What if people didn't like me? What if I didnt' like it?
One day. This was it. I was going through it with. I was about to board a plane to the so called epic epicness. It was surreal. For three years I had heard about this. I was finally going.
The day of. So nervous. I'm on the plane. So nervous. I get there. Still nervous.
First OYANer sighting. Meghan LeBedz Ashlynne Kirkpatrick
Wow. They. Um. They're real. OYANers exist outside of a computer screen. I sat there. For the full 5 hours at the airport, I had no idea what to say. Probably because everyone there had had a super early flight and was in no mood to talk or discuss anything.
The shuttle finally got there. Woah. I'm almost there. We pull into the bell center. OYANers everywhere. Familiar faces. First person I say hi to is Mb Grasha. Hi.
Somehow I'm able to walk into the bell center. WHAT. ALL YOU. GUYS. I'm overwhelmed at everyone here. I can't believe it. No idea where to start. What am I doing. People start coming up to say hello. I don't' know who said hello next. I think it might have been Ellipsis Period.
I checked in. I went to my dorm. I put my stuff. As I put my stuff there, I thought to myself and wondered what the heck I was doing. Did I do the right thing?
I hung around in the bell center for a little longer, then I finally made it to the gym for dinner. Woah. I was actually here. I was actually meeting you guys. I can't believe it. I don't remember who I sat with while I ate, I think it was Eric Johnson and dirk.
I walked up and just walked around the place for awhile, and then I sat down with dots and Leinad O'neil. Talked for a bit. I don't remember what happened after that. I continued meeting so many of you.
The next day was weird. I woke up. The first thing I thought was "I'm actually here. No way." So I continued the day, sitting through sessions and stuff. Critique groups. UGH. How do I get through four hours of listening to this. I didn't do hardly anything for the first excerpt, but somehow, as time went on, I started to semi enjoy it. Sure, I didn't like listening to all the stuff about improving and revising novels. Whatever. I can sit through it. BUt I did make comments and stuff. yeah. I made it through each day not contributing THAT much, but apparently enough for my group to recognize that I hated writing and was still contributing. :P
What next? I had met just about everyone, and all that. I was having an amazing time. I was hanging out with awesome people, and having a blast. I had forgotten all the crap I had due. I forgot about all the stuff I had been worried sick about for so long. My social life didn't suck, but going to the SW helped me so much to relieve me a week of my stress and work. for one week, I was able to relax and just have fun talking to some of my best friends.
Fast forward to the last day. Wow. It's over. No. It can't be. Already? But it's been so soon. I love everyone too much for it to be over already. Please don't let it be over. I have friends outside of OYAN that are awesome, but it can't be over already. It's only just begun. It's so surreal. I made it through the final sessions fine, but the last session. Mr. S compared OYAN and the SW to rivendell. (Forgive me here, I'm paraphrasing) He talked about how we're a home to some, a refuge for others. Mr. S talked about wanting to share and give this creativity and healing to others. He gave his vision for the Hobbit holes. How can he accomplish such a staggering feet? He can't. We can't. Not without God.
This moment, I realized what OYAN really was. WHat it was really about. Not a group of people I talk to on the internet, not a group of writers obsessed with shipping fictional characters. Not a group of Christians. We're all that, but we're more. We're a group of people, not just here by chance, but I believe that we're all here because of God. When that curriculum came in the mail, we became a part of something, a part of something that has done amazing things, and is not finished.
We're a group of people who love each other, who are accepting, who will care so much about everyone, no matter who they are, who will show the love of Christ to everyone. That's what OYAN is. We just happen to all be writers.
That's what I got from Mr. S's final talk. We can't do it alone. That's what he said. But the S's still believe that someway, somehow, it's meant to be. How will it happen? We don't know. God does. If God's meant it to be, it'll happen.
The last session finally ended. Woah. That was. Woah. Really? I can't even begin to comprehend anything at this point. I walk out of the bell center, and everyone's crying. It's over. No more sessions, no more meals, no more anything. Just a final three hours to hang out with some of the best people anyone's ever met. But before those three hours began, a bunch of us met outside in front of the bell center to pray over what Mr. S had just said. After about 10 or 15 minutes of praying and singing, Mr. S walks out. Someone calls for him to stand in the middle. The next 15 minutes are spent praying over Mr. S, the community, and the future of everything. It was in that moment that I actually shed a tear. I've never done that before. You guys really moved me. God moved me. I've never had that happen before out of the countless teary situations I've been in.
I left the prayer group and go back to the tipping lounge. I had just witnessed one of the most amazing things ever, and i"ll thank God every day for it. I spent the rest of my evening saying final goodbyes and hanging out listening to Mr. S tell stories in the lounge. Around 12:45, I finally made it back to my dorm. It was over. Dozens of long conversations, dozens of amazing people, dozens of hugs, and so many novels read through. It was finally over. I spent the next hour and a half in my dorm mulling over it all, listening to music, and praying, and checking facebook and the forum. It had been an amazing time, but it was finally over.
Checked out. At the airport. Going home. Cry. Sad. Goodbye hugs. It's over.
I've been changed. I don't even know if this 2000 word wall has even begun to explain the depth of what I've been through this week. I love all you guys so much.
I've made some amazing friends, and strengthened some friendships that previously only existed on the internet.
Yes, we have disagreements, yes, things happen, but that doesn't change who we are. Everyone makes mistakes. Every group has their downsides. But you know what? The SW was the only time in my life where I've been in a group that size and not felt completely overwhelmed. It's so different. I don't know how to explain it.
Don't forget who you are guys, don't forget who WE are. I love all of you so much and I've spent the entire day talking to all of you about how much I miss you. Thanks for making this week one of the best weeks of my life. I hope this post has somehow explained what's been in my head all day, I wouldn't have been able to sleep without it. Goodnight, and I love you all. God's got some amazing things in store for us and the S's.
Josh
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