From the Hands of Hillary - Part 1

I don't know how to explain it. Summer Workshop was wonderful and terrible all at once.

It was wonderful because I got to meet (almost) all my bestest ever friends. [Samantha, Linnea, Marissa, Jessica, Jessie, Kate, Josh, Rebekah, Erynn, Bailey] It was wonderful because I made new friends. It was wonderful because I made new friends/further explored formerly shallow friendships [Becka and Benjamin, Abbie, Jonny, Jacki, Richard, Reuben, Gunnar, Jake and Beth, etc.](Most of whom aren't on Facebook BECAUSE THEY'RE DUMBBBBB)(Just kidding.)(Sort of.) It was wonderful because of critique groups and prayer meetings and being with other people of my own age who love Jesus as much as I do. It was wonderful because Amazing Grace sung by a large group of homeschoolers sounds really pretty when it echoes off the stars. It was wonderful because I actually managed to say a few vaguely witty things and got to hear people laugh.

It was terrible because I put up a lot of walls before I left home. Walls that I was determined to keep up so that people would adore me.

"I think I have this thing where everybody has to think I'm the greatest, the quote unquote 'Fantastic Mr. Fox', and if they aren't completely knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don't feel good about myself."

It was terrible because all of that came crashing down when I couldn't keep it up long enough. When I got so stressed that people wouldn't or didn't like me that makeup had to be reapplied multiple times to cover tears.

It was terrible because I let myself be more vulnerable than I have been in ages. It was terrible because it -hurt- to do that.

And it was wonderful because that brought more peace than I've known in a long time.

It was wonderful because it was terrible.

Thank you all for making me be so very confusing and confused.

Whee. Brain = way dead.

I love you all like...a lot. A lot a lot. Okay?Okay.

Yay.

~Hillary Mitchell/Enna Byrd