Okay. So over the last couple days, something’s clicked into place in my head, thus a Tali ramble.
It all started at Summer Workshop, with all the talk about Rivendell. To rattle off some of Mr. Wilson’s bullet points, Rivendell is a place to rest, a place of safety, healing, a place to get wise counsel and advice, a place of fellowship and gaining companions for the journey, a place where you come out of the darkness and into the light.
I know a lot of people came away thinking of SW as their Rivendell. And it is a Rivendell. But a part of me still thought “...Okay. What now? This is all great, but where do I go from here?” SW made a huge impact on me, but I wasn’t sure how to take everything that had happened, everything I learned, and actually go out and make a difference in Mordor.
Fast forward a few days. Maaajor workshop feels had finally set in. While in the midst of that, a friend sent me the song ‘Silhouette’ by Owl City, saying it was full of SW feels. Oh, man. Yeah. It was. I wound up writing a whole feelsy ramble (think 1.2k) incorporating that song as the basis. The first half or so was pretty down-in-the-dumps. But the end, starting at the bridge... it took a hopeful turn which I didn’t see coming.
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But all the fear. All the pain. All the loneliness. It’ll be worth it.
//'cause I walk alone, no matter where I go//
This road to Mordor rips your heart out. It leaves you in tears. Takes your emotions and turns them inside out until you can hardly feel at all. It hurts. It’s hard.
//'cause I walk alone, no matter where I go//
But it’ll be worth it. Someday. Someday...
//'cause I walk alone, no matter where I go//
Someday it’ll be worth it. Someday when we’re past all the tears, the fears, the pain, the emptiness.
//I'm a silhouette asking every now and then (now and then)//
Someday when all questions are answered. When we can look back and see how the mountains and valleys, how they shaped us, changed us for the better.
//"Is it over yet? Will I ever love again?"//
Someday when we can look back and see how, yes, we made a difference. We planted flowers along the rocky road. We lit candles in the darkness. We brought hope, however small, into Mordor. Someday we’ll look back and see.
//I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own//
Right now it feels like the shadow lands will never end. Like Mordor is winning. But we know that in the end, light will conquer.
//but the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone//
And then. Then we’ll reunite. The band of weary warriors. We’ll find our way back home.
//so I watch the summer stars to lead me home//
And there, it’ll finally be worth it. There, we’ll finally find rest. There, we’ll finally be Home.
//I watch the summer stars to lead me home//
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And I ended up clinging to that for the next several days, as the hope that this journey through Mordor would be worth it. It. Will. Be. Worth. It.
But still, even that... Even though it took a turn upwards, it was still just an emotional ramble. It added to the SW Rivendell stuff, in that when we leave, we go out into Mordor to make a difference. Also in that while we’re leaving Rivendell now, we will come back home in the end.
But it still hadn’t come all together.
Insert in here the fact that I’ve had Ordinary Heroes on repeat basically since workshop. And here, have the chorus, ‘cause it’s important in a minute. “We're the army of ordinary heroes, winning hearts and minds for the King of all kings, gauntlet runners who never back down from whatever this world brings ‘cause we know who we fight for and that’s all we need.” And from a variation of the chorus, “We all run in the dark, but we’re running toward the light, ‘cause it’s the light we bring.” Braden’s words are beautiful, yes? I love this song so much, but the full meaning of the lyrics still hadn’t hit me yet.
Fast forward a few more days, to two Sundays ago, at the evening service. I was able to cope well enough by then to not have workshop and missing home constantly on my mind.
The sermon was on Christ being the door. Not incredibly related to all this, no. But among the points that the guy made, one was that we Christians so often have all these spiritual experiences, come sit in services, worship... but it doesn’t change us. And he said something along the lines of that Christ is the door to communion with God, but it’s not only a door going in. It’s a door going out too. Once we’ve experienced God’s light, we need to go spread it. When we know God, we have a greater responsibility to help others know.
And something clicked. It hit me that that’s another sort of Rivendell. We recharge with Jesus and then go change the world. That’s the -point-. That’s (in part) why we spend time with him, why we get to know him, so that we can go help others know him.
Fast forward again to last Saturday night. Jessie and I were spazzing about wanting to change the world, start a revolution, bring light to the world, change lives. And we were both really pumped about our respective dreams, visions for the future, what we wanted to do to make a difference.
After all that spazzingness, I went down to my room and turned on music. Josh Wilson, one of his new songs, ‘Pushing Back the Dark’. (The fact that I wound up on that song is a testimony in itself, but I’ll spare you, because this is already way too long.) If you don’t know that song, listen to it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co2gthaWVrQ), or at least read the lyrics. I’ve got some of the most relevant parts here below, but the entire thing is fantastic and applies here.
“One million reasons why you shouldn’t even try
After all, you’re just one heart, a single candle in the dark
And there are shadows here, feeding on your fears
That you don’t have what it takes, who are you to make a change?
But oh, oh, don’t underestimate the God you follow
Whatever you do, just don’t look back
Somebody needs the light you have
Whatever you do, just don’t lose heart
Keep on pushing back the dark
[...]
Let your light so shine, let your light so shine
Oh, oh, don’t underestimate the God you follow
He is the light that burns inside your soul
So keep on shining ‘til the whole world knows”
I’ve loved this song ever since first hearing it, but the whole “pushing back the dark” thing... I guess I was under the impression it meant pushing back darkness inside yourself... darkness maybe being discouragement or feelings that what you were doing didn’t matter. Maybe the song meant pushing through that to keep on making a difference. And I suppose that could be part of it, but after all of the above stuff on Rivendell and Mordor and changing lives... It clicked. It all clicked. Mordor is the darkness. We’re pushing back the darkness -surrounding- us, not within us. (Maybe that should have been obvious, but I dunno, it just got in my head the wrong way.)
After everything clicked with ‘Pushing Back the Dark’ and I had a nice long cry/praise session, I went to do my scripture study. At this point it was like one or two AM, but y’know. Anyway, I was reading in John, and it was in the context of Jesus leaving and the disciples having to deal with the world and everything and Jesus says something about sending the Spirit to be a Comforter. Anyway, in all that, there were these three verses.
John 16:22 "And ye now therefore have sorrow; but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you."
John 16:32-33, "Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me. These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
And I was just like... Mordor. It’s talking about Mordor. The world. Sorrow. Darkness. Tribulation. That’s Mordor. But we have Christ's joy and peace, and even in the midst of all the darkness we can have faith that light will win, light will overcome, it has overcome!
Then Sunday morning, a hymn we sang at church, ‘The Old, Old Path’. Again, with all the above stuff on my mind, it hit me differently than ever before.
Bits of it... “There’s an old, old path where the sun shines through life’s dark storm clouds from its home of blue [...] In this old, old path made strangely sweet by the touch divine of His blessed feet [...] ‘Tis an old, old path, shadowed vales between, yet I fearless walk with the Nazarene”
Storm clouds. Shadows. It’s talking about Mordor again. But it’s sweet, it’s strangely sweet. It’s an old, rocky, rugged path... But it’s sweet. We can be fearless ordinary heroes, even walking along on this path through Mordor, because He walks with us.
One more piece to the puzzle.
Last night, there was another sermon, pretty much unrelated to all of this. But a point the preacher made, even though it’s fairly disconnected, made the last bit click into place.
You know the part where Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me? Do you love me more than -everything-?” And Peter says yes. Then Jesus says, “Then feed my lambs.”
(You’re probably all like, “Tali, this has nothing to do with it, this ramble’s two thousand words long, shut up already.” I promise I’m almost done.)
It made the last piece click into place because -that- is the motivation. We aren’t doing all this because we want to suffer through the pains of Mordor. We aren’t doing this to be able to say “Look at all the good things I’m doing to get rid of Satan!” and get a pat on the back for our courage and godliness (at least, hopefully not).
We’re doing it because we love Him.
We love Him, so we serve him.
His peace and joy are in us through the Spirit, the Comforter.
And His perfect love is in us.
His love is the light within us.
And frankly, that’s the only way we -can- bring light into Mordor. If the Light shines through us.
To be perfectly honest, Mordor isn’t going to like us. I’ll spare you the additional 200+ words that actually putting in the scripture would give, but look up John 17:14-26. The world will hate us. But we have been commissioned to show forth God’s love, that the world may know him.
And by His power, we can have strength and courage to go out into Mordor.
Through Him, we can bring light. Start a revolution. Change the world.
Through Him, we can walk the old, rocky, rugged path, because we know He’s at our side, and that makes it all so, so sweet.
Through Him, we can keep pushing back the dark, keep fighting, keep on letting our candles shine with His light.
Through Him, we will have endless peace and joy and love.
Through Him, we can walk fearlessly, because we know that Light will overcome.
Through Him, we can be ordinary heroes. Winning hearts and minds for the King of all kings. Gauntlet runners who never back down from whatever this world brings.
~Jessica T/Talitha
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