Okay. So over the last couple days, something’s clicked into place in my head, thus a Tali ramble.
It all started at Summer Workshop, with all the talk about Rivendell. To rattle off some of Mr. Wilson’s bullet points, Rivendell is a place to rest, a place of safety, healing, a place to get wise counsel and advice, a place of fellowship and gaining companions for the journey, a place where you come out of the darkness and into the light.
I know a lot of people came away thinking of SW as their Rivendell. And it is a Rivendell. But a part of me still thought “...Okay. What now? This is all great, but where do I go from here?” SW made a huge impact on me, but I wasn’t sure how to take everything that had happened, everything I learned, and actually go out and make a difference in Mordor.
Fast forward a few days. Maaajor workshop feels had finally set in. While in the midst of that, a friend sent me the song ‘Silhouette’ by Owl City, saying it was full of SW feels. Oh, man. Yeah. It was. I wound up writing a whole feelsy ramble (think 1.2k) incorporating that song as the basis. The first half or so was pretty down-in-the-dumps. But the end, starting at the bridge... it took a hopeful turn which I didn’t see coming.
----------
But all the fear. All the pain. All the loneliness. It’ll be worth it.
//'cause I walk alone, no matter where I go//
This road to Mordor rips your heart out. It leaves you in tears. Takes your emotions and turns them inside out until you can hardly feel at all. It hurts. It’s hard.
//'cause I walk alone, no matter where I go//
But it’ll be worth it. Someday. Someday...
//'cause I walk alone, no matter where I go//
Someday it’ll be worth it. Someday when we’re past all the tears, the fears, the pain, the emptiness.
//I'm a silhouette asking every now and then (now and then)//
Someday when all questions are answered. When we can look back and see how the mountains and valleys, how they shaped us, changed us for the better.
//"Is it over yet? Will I ever love again?"//
Someday when we can look back and see how, yes, we made a difference. We planted flowers along the rocky road. We lit candles in the darkness. We brought hope, however small, into Mordor. Someday we’ll look back and see.
//I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own//
Right now it feels like the shadow lands will never end. Like Mordor is winning. But we know that in the end, light will conquer.
//but the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone//
And then. Then we’ll reunite. The band of weary warriors. We’ll find our way back home.
//so I watch the summer stars to lead me home//
And there, it’ll finally be worth it. There, we’ll finally find rest. There, we’ll finally be Home.
//I watch the summer stars to lead me home//
----------
And I ended up clinging to that for the next several days, as the hope that this journey through Mordor would be worth it. It. Will. Be. Worth. It.
But still, even that... Even though it took a turn upwards, it was still just an emotional ramble. It added to the SW Rivendell stuff, in that when we leave, we go out into Mordor to make a difference. Also in that while we’re leaving Rivendell now, we will come back home in the end.
But it still hadn’t come all together.
Insert in here the fact that I’ve had Ordinary Heroes on repeat basically since workshop. And here, have the chorus, ‘cause it’s important in a minute. “We're the army of ordinary heroes, winning hearts and minds for the King of all kings, gauntlet runners who never back down from whatever this world brings ‘cause we know who we fight for and that’s all we need.” And from a variation of the chorus, “We all run in the dark, but we’re running toward the light, ‘cause it’s the light we bring.” Braden’s words are beautiful, yes? I love this song so much, but the full meaning of the lyrics still hadn’t hit me yet.
Fast forward a few more days, to two Sundays ago, at the evening service. I was able to cope well enough by then to not have workshop and missing home constantly on my mind.
The sermon was on Christ being the door. Not incredibly related to all this, no. But among the points that the guy made, one was that we Christians so often have all these spiritual experiences, come sit in services, worship... but it doesn’t change us. And he said something along the lines of that Christ is the door to communion with God, but it’s not only a door going in. It’s a door going out too. Once we’ve experienced God’s light, we need to go spread it. When we know God, we have a greater responsibility to help others know.
And something clicked. It hit me that that’s another sort of Rivendell. We recharge with Jesus and then go change the world. That’s the -point-. That’s (in part) why we spend time with him, why we get to know him, so that we can go help others know him.
Fast forward again to last Saturday night. Jessie and I were spazzing about wanting to change the world, start a revolution, bring light to the world, change lives. And we were both really pumped about our respective dreams, visions for the future, what we wanted to do to make a difference.
After all that spazzingness, I went down to my room and turned on music. Josh Wilson, one of his new songs, ‘Pushing Back the Dark’. (The fact that I wound up on that song is a testimony in itself, but I’ll spare you, because this is already way too long.) If you don’t know that song, listen to it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co2gthaWVrQ), or at least read the lyrics. I’ve got some of the most relevant parts here below, but the entire thing is fantastic and applies here.
“One million reasons why you shouldn’t even try
After all, you’re just one heart, a single candle in the dark
And there are shadows here, feeding on your fears
That you don’t have what it takes, who are you to make a change?
But oh, oh, don’t underestimate the God you follow
Whatever you do, just don’t look back
Somebody needs the light you have
Whatever you do, just don’t lose heart
Keep on pushing back the dark
[...]
Let your light so shine, let your light so shine
Oh, oh, don’t underestimate the God you follow
He is the light that burns inside your soul
So keep on shining ‘til the whole world knows”
I’ve loved this song ever since first hearing it, but the whole “pushing back the dark” thing... I guess I was under the impression it meant pushing back darkness inside yourself... darkness maybe being discouragement or feelings that what you were doing didn’t matter. Maybe the song meant pushing through that to keep on making a difference. And I suppose that could be part of it, but after all of the above stuff on Rivendell and Mordor and changing lives... It clicked. It all clicked. Mordor is the darkness. We’re pushing back the darkness -surrounding- us, not within us. (Maybe that should have been obvious, but I dunno, it just got in my head the wrong way.)
After everything clicked with ‘Pushing Back the Dark’ and I had a nice long cry/praise session, I went to do my scripture study. At this point it was like one or two AM, but y’know. Anyway, I was reading in John, and it was in the context of Jesus leaving and the disciples having to deal with the world and everything and Jesus says something about sending the Spirit to be a Comforter. Anyway, in all that, there were these three verses.
John 16:22 "And ye now therefore have sorrow; but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you."
John 16:32-33, "Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me. These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
And I was just like... Mordor. It’s talking about Mordor. The world. Sorrow. Darkness. Tribulation. That’s Mordor. But we have Christ's joy and peace, and even in the midst of all the darkness we can have faith that light will win, light will overcome, it has overcome!
Then Sunday morning, a hymn we sang at church, ‘The Old, Old Path’. Again, with all the above stuff on my mind, it hit me differently than ever before.
Bits of it... “There’s an old, old path where the sun shines through life’s dark storm clouds from its home of blue [...] In this old, old path made strangely sweet by the touch divine of His blessed feet [...] ‘Tis an old, old path, shadowed vales between, yet I fearless walk with the Nazarene”
Storm clouds. Shadows. It’s talking about Mordor again. But it’s sweet, it’s strangely sweet. It’s an old, rocky, rugged path... But it’s sweet. We can be fearless ordinary heroes, even walking along on this path through Mordor, because He walks with us.
One more piece to the puzzle.
Last night, there was another sermon, pretty much unrelated to all of this. But a point the preacher made, even though it’s fairly disconnected, made the last bit click into place.
You know the part where Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me? Do you love me more than -everything-?” And Peter says yes. Then Jesus says, “Then feed my lambs.”
(You’re probably all like, “Tali, this has nothing to do with it, this ramble’s two thousand words long, shut up already.” I promise I’m almost done.)
It made the last piece click into place because -that- is the motivation. We aren’t doing all this because we want to suffer through the pains of Mordor. We aren’t doing this to be able to say “Look at all the good things I’m doing to get rid of Satan!” and get a pat on the back for our courage and godliness (at least, hopefully not).
We’re doing it because we love Him.
We love Him, so we serve him.
His peace and joy are in us through the Spirit, the Comforter.
And His perfect love is in us.
His love is the light within us.
And frankly, that’s the only way we -can- bring light into Mordor. If the Light shines through us.
To be perfectly honest, Mordor isn’t going to like us. I’ll spare you the additional 200+ words that actually putting in the scripture would give, but look up John 17:14-26. The world will hate us. But we have been commissioned to show forth God’s love, that the world may know him.
And by His power, we can have strength and courage to go out into Mordor.
Through Him, we can bring light. Start a revolution. Change the world.
Through Him, we can walk the old, rocky, rugged path, because we know He’s at our side, and that makes it all so, so sweet.
Through Him, we can keep pushing back the dark, keep fighting, keep on letting our candles shine with His light.
Through Him, we will have endless peace and joy and love.
Through Him, we can walk fearlessly, because we know that Light will overcome.
Through Him, we can be ordinary heroes. Winning hearts and minds for the King of all kings. Gauntlet runners who never back down from whatever this world brings.
~Jessica T/Talitha
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
Sunday, 7 July 2013
Much Love from Mb:
I miss seeing Charlotte's and Danaka's face, the fact that Linnea and Marissa would always say that I'm pretty and that they love me, sitting in the FHL lounge in the dorms talking to Kate and Ashlynne, sitting under Naomi's bed and squealing in the wee hours of the morning, meeting my gold fish twinzie, meeting some of the oldies that scared me so badly, but now I look up to them even more.
Speaking to Mr. and Mrs. S personally for at least five minutes. Getting to talk to Mr. Gerke after his session and talking to Miss Jill in the cafeteria.
Filming with Leinad, Jeremy, Jonathan, with the help of Sarah and Samantha ruining her lip gloss for us. Meeting Hillary and Jessica and getting to hug them.
Listening to Becka, Lenny(;)) and Gunnar play guitars. Being able to play also and laugh.
Meeting my Mommy and holding prayer groups... Meeting my big brothers and spending a lot of time with them.
If I could, I'd name every single person I met... But alas, it'd take a month to read through that post... You all mean the world to me, know that. I love y'all. ♥
Speaking to Mr. and Mrs. S personally for at least five minutes. Getting to talk to Mr. Gerke after his session and talking to Miss Jill in the cafeteria.
Filming with Leinad, Jeremy, Jonathan, with the help of Sarah and Samantha ruining her lip gloss for us. Meeting Hillary and Jessica and getting to hug them.
Listening to Becka, Lenny(;)) and Gunnar play guitars. Being able to play also and laugh.
Meeting my Mommy and holding prayer groups... Meeting my big brothers and spending a lot of time with them.
If I could, I'd name every single person I met... But alas, it'd take a month to read through that post... You all mean the world to me, know that. I love y'all. ♥
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
Cherished by Christina:
This year I decided to post a SW topic. I’m not sure why since by the end of this I know I’ll be in tears rocking back and forth on my chair, but I need to get all my feelz out.
This year’s experience was really amazing. We had Jill as a speaker. Jeff came back. Mr. S. and Mrs. S(need I say more?). Everyone was applauded for drinking out of their cup. Meeting people who I’ve been dying to meet for years. OYANer hugs(which are the best). JJ glomps(Which I volunteered for xD). Awesome stories and ideas. Late night chats about anything and everything (including awkward things xD). People introducing me to fandoms and then tell me spoilers(not that I’ll name those people *coughcough* SophiaCollinandothers *coughcough*). The unofficial OYAN sport of ninja. Qudditch. Many, many fandoms and crossovers. Sock monkeys. Costumes. And critique groups. Oh my! But we’re not in Kansas anymore. (Lame joke, I know. I’m still catching up on sleep. xP)
So, uh, the SW was awesome and we’re all Ordinary Heroes. *insert all the philosophical things and stuffz I’m not good at saying*.
And I can’t think of anything else to say so I’ll just tell all y’all individually. (No, saying my y’all and all y’all is cute unless you can hear or see me. *coughcough* Sophia and Sarah *coughcough*)
Alyssa/Thimble
Spoiler
I know you don’t get on much, but I wanna say you are awesome and amazing. Everytime I see you I’m so glad that you were my first sister. I love all of your charries(yes, one in particular more than the others. xD (Love you Piskus! <3) ). I really hope we can get together when we come out to California. I miss you SO much already! Love you sis!
Michaela/Haiku
Spoiler
It was great hanging out with you! You’re such a sweet person!! I really hope we can see each other again sometime. Maybe when I go out to California in December. ^.^
Sian/Queen Jane by God’s Grace
Spoiler
You are so amazing and beautiful and lots of other things. I miss you dearly already. I loved being a part of your chain that ran around the lobby. Of course, I love being your sister and couldn’t imagine a WS without you. I pray that you can come out to TX later this year. *hugs* I love and miss you, my dear sister. <3
Sophia/Whispering_Shadow
Spoiler
WHISPY!!!! WE FINALLY MET!!!! You are so much more awesome in person, my Converse-loving sis. Thank. You. For. Introducing. Me. To. MORE. Fandoms. That. I must. Watch. Be warned that you will be my fangirl person. We shall Google talk, chat, PM, Google Hangout, and hopefully Skype about these awesome new shows. *nodnod* And no more spoilers! Except for Rose. You can give me that one. Please?? *puppydog eyes* At least tell me what series and episode she comes back in! Oh and you must send me more of your stories that you need to write. xP And don’t forget to send me that Chance and Jack fanfic about being drinking buddies. I loved our late night talks in the lounge and your room. Y’all finally got me to drabble! I miss you so much already.
(Cam told me to tell you that she says hi to Raymond and she looks forward to going shopping with him sometime.)
Susan/Agent Whale
Spoiler
AW!! We finally got to meet after not realizing/not knowing who you were at the SW two years ago!!!! It was so amazing to meet you. You’re so sweet and amazing. I loved sitting net to you and your sister during the sessions and at meals(and I’m sure y’all enjoyed my rambling on and on about nothing in particular that morning after I got no sleep. xP). I really, really miss you so much already. We need to talk more. I have Google chat, and can do skype or hangouts. Oh and I’m almost done with your critique. ^^ Love you, sis!
(And Ava says to tell Jaykeb she loves him. Rose says to tell Oaden she loves him.)
Sarah/Figgy Figment
Spoiler
It was great to see you again! You’re such a great little sister. It was awesome sitting with you in sessions and for meals and hanging out. I really hope I’ll get up there sometime and a group of us can go out for lunch or dinner. I wish I could take you up on that offer to move up there and live in your house while I go to college. xD But it’s a little far. *hugs* I miss you so much and love you even more, sis. <3
(Lillie says for you to tell Alex she misses him and wants to see him.)
Karina/Quillmaster
Spoiler
You’re so awesome and cute! I love your stories. (I really wish I could have been there that first day when you read your Loki fanfic. xD) I really enjoyed staying up and having those late night talks mixed in with looking at Pinterest and Tumblr.
Collin/Thirteen
Spoiler
It was awesome to meet you! I can’t wait to meet Chance cause he just sounds... hilarious and awesome. I loved staying up until morning hours talking about nothing and anything we could think of (including the awkward subjects xD). I shall now start watching Supernatural and My Little Pony and I’ll probably start spamming your page with fangirl messages. Just be warned now. Oh and no more spoilers! xP
Samantha/Samantha:)
Spoiler
Sam!! It was great to meet you finally!! You’re so awesome and pretty in person! I really hope we can meet again sometime! We need to talk more. *nodnod* If you want you can text me.
Jacie
Spoiler
Jacie!! Hi!! I loved meeting you! It was awesome to get to hang out with you and just talk. ^-^ Which we need to talk more! I’m on Facebook, Google talk/hangouts, Skype, and email. Oh and I have unlimited texting!
(Nicki, Tanner, and Nic all miss their loves. Aere... Misses Drake.
Aere: *glares at both of us* If you value your life you better not dare to even think about telling him.)
“Those” Calabashes
Spoiler
Hey y’all! So I just wanted to say that y’all were an awesome group. Jared, I love how you moved us out into the hall after only one day since we couldn’t keep from laughing. xD We were definitely ‘that’ group. I loved all of your stories and can’t wait to finish reading them(in order ).
The S’s
Spoiler
Thank y’all so much for everything you do. I can’t tell you how much the OYAN curriculum has changed my life. Not to mention the forum and the SWs. I’ve made so made friendships that I can’t even count and each and every one of them is special. Thank you so much for everything. I can’t wait to see you again at the WW. <3
That’s everyone I can think of right now. If I missed you, I‘m sorry and I loved meeting you and hanging out with you too! (Really I loved meeting everyone. OYANers are the best to hang out with.)
While it IS nice to not have to eat cafeteria food and to have my own bathroom I would so much rather be back at the university with all of you. But for now it’s back to my boring life with no one to fangirl or write with. I miss all y’all so much and love y’all even more.
From one of my favorite songs ‘The Call’ by Regina Spektor (The one that GG95 and Leinad sang that made me tear up):
“Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye.”
Until the WW or the next SW,
Christina/Music=Life
This year’s experience was really amazing. We had Jill as a speaker. Jeff came back. Mr. S. and Mrs. S(need I say more?). Everyone was applauded for drinking out of their cup. Meeting people who I’ve been dying to meet for years. OYANer hugs(which are the best). JJ glomps(Which I volunteered for xD). Awesome stories and ideas. Late night chats about anything and everything (including awkward things xD). People introducing me to fandoms and then tell me spoilers(not that I’ll name those people *coughcough* SophiaCollinandothers *coughcough*). The unofficial OYAN sport of ninja. Qudditch. Many, many fandoms and crossovers. Sock monkeys. Costumes. And critique groups. Oh my! But we’re not in Kansas anymore. (Lame joke, I know. I’m still catching up on sleep. xP)
So, uh, the SW was awesome and we’re all Ordinary Heroes. *insert all the philosophical things and stuffz I’m not good at saying*.
And I can’t think of anything else to say so I’ll just tell all y’all individually. (No, saying my y’all and all y’all is cute unless you can hear or see me. *coughcough* Sophia and Sarah *coughcough*)
Alyssa/Thimble
Spoiler
I know you don’t get on much, but I wanna say you are awesome and amazing. Everytime I see you I’m so glad that you were my first sister. I love all of your charries(yes, one in particular more than the others. xD (Love you Piskus! <3) ). I really hope we can get together when we come out to California. I miss you SO much already! Love you sis!
Michaela/Haiku
Spoiler
It was great hanging out with you! You’re such a sweet person!! I really hope we can see each other again sometime. Maybe when I go out to California in December. ^.^
Sian/Queen Jane by God’s Grace
Spoiler
You are so amazing and beautiful and lots of other things. I miss you dearly already. I loved being a part of your chain that ran around the lobby. Of course, I love being your sister and couldn’t imagine a WS without you. I pray that you can come out to TX later this year. *hugs* I love and miss you, my dear sister. <3
Sophia/Whispering_Shadow
Spoiler
WHISPY!!!! WE FINALLY MET!!!! You are so much more awesome in person, my Converse-loving sis. Thank. You. For. Introducing. Me. To. MORE. Fandoms. That. I must. Watch. Be warned that you will be my fangirl person. We shall Google talk, chat, PM, Google Hangout, and hopefully Skype about these awesome new shows. *nodnod* And no more spoilers! Except for Rose. You can give me that one. Please?? *puppydog eyes* At least tell me what series and episode she comes back in! Oh and you must send me more of your stories that you need to write. xP And don’t forget to send me that Chance and Jack fanfic about being drinking buddies. I loved our late night talks in the lounge and your room. Y’all finally got me to drabble! I miss you so much already.
(Cam told me to tell you that she says hi to Raymond and she looks forward to going shopping with him sometime.)
Susan/Agent Whale
Spoiler
AW!! We finally got to meet after not realizing/not knowing who you were at the SW two years ago!!!! It was so amazing to meet you. You’re so sweet and amazing. I loved sitting net to you and your sister during the sessions and at meals(and I’m sure y’all enjoyed my rambling on and on about nothing in particular that morning after I got no sleep. xP). I really, really miss you so much already. We need to talk more. I have Google chat, and can do skype or hangouts. Oh and I’m almost done with your critique. ^^ Love you, sis!
(And Ava says to tell Jaykeb she loves him. Rose says to tell Oaden she loves him.)
Sarah/Figgy Figment
Spoiler
It was great to see you again! You’re such a great little sister. It was awesome sitting with you in sessions and for meals and hanging out. I really hope I’ll get up there sometime and a group of us can go out for lunch or dinner. I wish I could take you up on that offer to move up there and live in your house while I go to college. xD But it’s a little far. *hugs* I miss you so much and love you even more, sis. <3
(Lillie says for you to tell Alex she misses him and wants to see him.)
Karina/Quillmaster
Spoiler
You’re so awesome and cute! I love your stories. (I really wish I could have been there that first day when you read your Loki fanfic. xD) I really enjoyed staying up and having those late night talks mixed in with looking at Pinterest and Tumblr.
Collin/Thirteen
Spoiler
It was awesome to meet you! I can’t wait to meet Chance cause he just sounds... hilarious and awesome. I loved staying up until morning hours talking about nothing and anything we could think of (including the awkward subjects xD). I shall now start watching Supernatural and My Little Pony and I’ll probably start spamming your page with fangirl messages. Just be warned now. Oh and no more spoilers! xP
Samantha/Samantha:)
Spoiler
Sam!! It was great to meet you finally!! You’re so awesome and pretty in person! I really hope we can meet again sometime! We need to talk more. *nodnod* If you want you can text me.
Jacie
Spoiler
Jacie!! Hi!! I loved meeting you! It was awesome to get to hang out with you and just talk. ^-^ Which we need to talk more! I’m on Facebook, Google talk/hangouts, Skype, and email. Oh and I have unlimited texting!
(Nicki, Tanner, and Nic all miss their loves. Aere... Misses Drake.
Aere: *glares at both of us* If you value your life you better not dare to even think about telling him.)
“Those” Calabashes
Spoiler
Hey y’all! So I just wanted to say that y’all were an awesome group. Jared, I love how you moved us out into the hall after only one day since we couldn’t keep from laughing. xD We were definitely ‘that’ group. I loved all of your stories and can’t wait to finish reading them(in order ).
The S’s
Spoiler
Thank y’all so much for everything you do. I can’t tell you how much the OYAN curriculum has changed my life. Not to mention the forum and the SWs. I’ve made so made friendships that I can’t even count and each and every one of them is special. Thank you so much for everything. I can’t wait to see you again at the WW. <3
That’s everyone I can think of right now. If I missed you, I‘m sorry and I loved meeting you and hanging out with you too! (Really I loved meeting everyone. OYANers are the best to hang out with.)
While it IS nice to not have to eat cafeteria food and to have my own bathroom I would so much rather be back at the university with all of you. But for now it’s back to my boring life with no one to fangirl or write with. I miss all y’all so much and love y’all even more.
From one of my favorite songs ‘The Call’ by Regina Spektor (The one that GG95 and Leinad sang that made me tear up):
“Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye.”
Until the WW or the next SW,
Christina/Music=Life
Silver from Syrena:
So now that I’m done wandering aimlessly around the house, I’m going to stare at my computer screen for awhile and try to put the Summer Workshop into words. Heh. Wish me luck.
I could say a lot of things about the Workshop. Most of them would be old clichés that you’ve heard before: “It’s amazing”, “It’s epic epicness”, “It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen or experienced”, etc, etc. All of those things are true. So if you didn’t go this year – come next year. Come someday. Every OYANer in the world should experience the feelz of going home. And I’m not just saying that. I believe it with all of my heart.
I know many of you are in the same place in your lives as I am right now. You’re different. You’re often ignored or alone because you’re “not like them”. You’re considered inferior, and your talents are largely disregarded by people in your life. You’re judged. You’re broken. You hurt, you cry, and you’re torn. Life is hard.
Stepping into the Bell Center on that first evening was like going home to a place I’d never been before. Everything I wrestled with; all the scars I carry and the cares that weigh on me eroded at the door. I’ve often tried to imagine what Frodo must have felt like upon reaching Rivendell for the first time. What would it be like to walk out of a fight in the darkness into a haven of light and peace?
I don’t wonder that anymore.
I learned so much this past week. More than I can possibly describe. So I won’t describe it. Not all of it. Trust me, you don’t want that much of Syrie’s rambling.
This week, I learned what it is to believe in something bigger than yourself. To believe in a hope or a dream that seems unattainable. This week, I saw a group of teens who came together because of shared passion, shared hope, and shared dreams. Dreams that they weren’t afraid to believe in.
All of the sessions at the SW were inspiring to me, but the one that sticks out the most in my memory is the talk Mr. S gave on Friday night regarding the Hobbit Holes he plans to build in Olathe. Now you’re probably thinking, “Well, duh. Syrie’s excited about Hobbit Holes.” And I am. But that’s not why it stuck out to me. Do you have any idea how much that would cost!?! Not like it’s free stuff or anything. And work? I imagine every able-bodied OYANer would volunteer for unpaid manual labor, but still….
That evening, Mr. S told us that this wasn’t just something he thought was cool, but impossible. It wasn’t something he only dreamed about, but never really planned on doing. No – it’s something he believes in. It’s something he’s not afraid to believe in. And that’s what I saw there. You people aren’t afraid to dream big. You’re not afraid to believe in the impossible. You’re not afraid.
The memories I have from the workshop are some of the most precious of my life. I’m taking all of the things I love about you guys, and locking them in a treasure box in my heart to keep forever. I’m telling the honest-to-goodness truth when I say that you are the best friends I’ve ever had. I mean, I seriously adore how I can wear a glittery prom dress, steampunk goggles, and flip flops around you, and you don’t call me weird, or laugh at me, or give me odd glances and tell me you don’t want to be my friend because I’m different. That may sound small, but it means the world to me.
Sometimes, life throws things at us. But we don’t always call them lemons and throw them back, or make lemonade. Sometimes we’re hit. And sometimes we cry when we’re hurt, and we break when we’re weak. That’s life, and it ain’t easy. And this week, I cried. (Yeah, I’m a girl, I cry a lot, okay? XP) But this week, I didn’t cry because I was angry. I didn’t cry because I was hurt, or weak, or near giving up. I cried because I loved something, and now it’s over. I cried because I have to wait a year to see my best friends again. To hear their voices; to hug them, and to laugh with them.
I honestly believe that OYAN is what it is because we believed. We’re hundreds and thousands of miles apart, and yet we believed that God could bring us together. We’re all different, and yet we believed in the love we had for each other, and we believed in each other’s dreams. And look what happened: We spent a week together – two-hundred or more of us – learning, giving, loving, healing, praying, and dreaming of hobbit holes and a library under a tree. (And getting free stuff. )
I have two homes, I realized. One is small-town Missouri, where my house is, and the other is Olathe, Kansas, where my heart is. After spending the week encouraging each other, helping each other, laughing about green fruits from the treeless forest, drawing on each other with sharpies, dressing up in crazy costumes, and singing random songs, my heart wanted to live there. (But with better food, of course. )
And then I grasped something else. Frodo couldn’t live in Rivendell forever. He had to complete his adventure, or what would’ve happened? There wouldn’t be a Rivendell anymore. There wouldn’t be anything left to believe in. Frodo was just an ordinary hero, and he didn’t always feel like going on. But he did. He was willing to live through the fires of Mordor because, somewhere deep down, he still believed.
So I’m sitting here now, with knowledge in my head, memories in my heart, and the names of the people I love scrawled across the back of my t-shirt in sharpie, and I’m believing. I’m believing in you all. I’m believing in your dreams, and I’m believing that God will bring us all back together next June in that hot, humid Bell Center parking lot. Because Rivendell wasn’t the end – it was just the beginning.
It takes a special kind of friendship to laugh together, and to cry together. To hurt together, and to heal together. It takes a special kind of friendship to believe together, and that’s why I love you all. You’re always there for me when I need someone to remind me that, “There’s still some good in this world, Syrie.” You’re the only people I know who I can make me smile when I’m crying. Just like right now.
So I’m going to spend the year writing, and dreaming, and living, and praying for each of you, because I love you, because I remember, and because I believe.
Keep smiling you guys, and I’ll see you next year. <3
~Syrie Leeland
I could say a lot of things about the Workshop. Most of them would be old clichés that you’ve heard before: “It’s amazing”, “It’s epic epicness”, “It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen or experienced”, etc, etc. All of those things are true. So if you didn’t go this year – come next year. Come someday. Every OYANer in the world should experience the feelz of going home. And I’m not just saying that. I believe it with all of my heart.
I know many of you are in the same place in your lives as I am right now. You’re different. You’re often ignored or alone because you’re “not like them”. You’re considered inferior, and your talents are largely disregarded by people in your life. You’re judged. You’re broken. You hurt, you cry, and you’re torn. Life is hard.
Stepping into the Bell Center on that first evening was like going home to a place I’d never been before. Everything I wrestled with; all the scars I carry and the cares that weigh on me eroded at the door. I’ve often tried to imagine what Frodo must have felt like upon reaching Rivendell for the first time. What would it be like to walk out of a fight in the darkness into a haven of light and peace?
I don’t wonder that anymore.
I learned so much this past week. More than I can possibly describe. So I won’t describe it. Not all of it. Trust me, you don’t want that much of Syrie’s rambling.
This week, I learned what it is to believe in something bigger than yourself. To believe in a hope or a dream that seems unattainable. This week, I saw a group of teens who came together because of shared passion, shared hope, and shared dreams. Dreams that they weren’t afraid to believe in.
All of the sessions at the SW were inspiring to me, but the one that sticks out the most in my memory is the talk Mr. S gave on Friday night regarding the Hobbit Holes he plans to build in Olathe. Now you’re probably thinking, “Well, duh. Syrie’s excited about Hobbit Holes.” And I am. But that’s not why it stuck out to me. Do you have any idea how much that would cost!?! Not like it’s free stuff or anything. And work? I imagine every able-bodied OYANer would volunteer for unpaid manual labor, but still….
That evening, Mr. S told us that this wasn’t just something he thought was cool, but impossible. It wasn’t something he only dreamed about, but never really planned on doing. No – it’s something he believes in. It’s something he’s not afraid to believe in. And that’s what I saw there. You people aren’t afraid to dream big. You’re not afraid to believe in the impossible. You’re not afraid.
The memories I have from the workshop are some of the most precious of my life. I’m taking all of the things I love about you guys, and locking them in a treasure box in my heart to keep forever. I’m telling the honest-to-goodness truth when I say that you are the best friends I’ve ever had. I mean, I seriously adore how I can wear a glittery prom dress, steampunk goggles, and flip flops around you, and you don’t call me weird, or laugh at me, or give me odd glances and tell me you don’t want to be my friend because I’m different. That may sound small, but it means the world to me.
Sometimes, life throws things at us. But we don’t always call them lemons and throw them back, or make lemonade. Sometimes we’re hit. And sometimes we cry when we’re hurt, and we break when we’re weak. That’s life, and it ain’t easy. And this week, I cried. (Yeah, I’m a girl, I cry a lot, okay? XP) But this week, I didn’t cry because I was angry. I didn’t cry because I was hurt, or weak, or near giving up. I cried because I loved something, and now it’s over. I cried because I have to wait a year to see my best friends again. To hear their voices; to hug them, and to laugh with them.
I honestly believe that OYAN is what it is because we believed. We’re hundreds and thousands of miles apart, and yet we believed that God could bring us together. We’re all different, and yet we believed in the love we had for each other, and we believed in each other’s dreams. And look what happened: We spent a week together – two-hundred or more of us – learning, giving, loving, healing, praying, and dreaming of hobbit holes and a library under a tree. (And getting free stuff. )
I have two homes, I realized. One is small-town Missouri, where my house is, and the other is Olathe, Kansas, where my heart is. After spending the week encouraging each other, helping each other, laughing about green fruits from the treeless forest, drawing on each other with sharpies, dressing up in crazy costumes, and singing random songs, my heart wanted to live there. (But with better food, of course. )
And then I grasped something else. Frodo couldn’t live in Rivendell forever. He had to complete his adventure, or what would’ve happened? There wouldn’t be a Rivendell anymore. There wouldn’t be anything left to believe in. Frodo was just an ordinary hero, and he didn’t always feel like going on. But he did. He was willing to live through the fires of Mordor because, somewhere deep down, he still believed.
So I’m sitting here now, with knowledge in my head, memories in my heart, and the names of the people I love scrawled across the back of my t-shirt in sharpie, and I’m believing. I’m believing in you all. I’m believing in your dreams, and I’m believing that God will bring us all back together next June in that hot, humid Bell Center parking lot. Because Rivendell wasn’t the end – it was just the beginning.
It takes a special kind of friendship to laugh together, and to cry together. To hurt together, and to heal together. It takes a special kind of friendship to believe together, and that’s why I love you all. You’re always there for me when I need someone to remind me that, “There’s still some good in this world, Syrie.” You’re the only people I know who I can make me smile when I’m crying. Just like right now.
So I’m going to spend the year writing, and dreaming, and living, and praying for each of you, because I love you, because I remember, and because I believe.
Keep smiling you guys, and I’ll see you next year. <3
~Syrie Leeland
Allons-y from Abby:
When I come to describe this Workshop, a few words stick out.
Rivendell. Family. Home. Mordor. Ordinary. Sent out.
Prior to the Workshop, I had been praying about themes and what He might want to do with us as a family during this week. I had conversations with people where we talked about 2012 and the way that God knit the group together with prayer on the last night. But this year- this was a new year. One of my greatest fears coming into the SW was that we might try to replicate 2012. I didn’t want us to fake what sprung up organically. At the same time, I know that God is in the Workshops in a strong way. The Schwaubauers know that. We as an OYAN family know it. So at the same time as I was cautious, I was also excited about what might happen.
I’ve looked forward to this Workshop more than the previous ones. I finally feel like I have a place in OYAN. I have people who care about me. I have family, and I was going to see them again, face to face.
During the first few days of the Workshop, all my expectations on the family front were met. I met new friends. I hugged old ones for a long, long time. We took stupid pictures, we laughed; we signed t-shirts; we sat together at lunch and talked about Harry Potter and accents and writing styles and the future. But I didn’t yet notice a theme.
Mr. S. talked about ordinary heroes on Monday. Mark Wilson talked about Rivendells; havens for creativity. Braden’s song had been on my ipod since the Winter Workshop and I abused the replay button. But it didn’t click.
I was praying Thursday and Friday for something. I prayed that God would teach us to be ordinary heroes. I prayed that we would know how to go home. I prayed that we would be changed. But my faith was small. I’ve been to Workshops. I’ve come home on a high, then seen my passion filter out.
So my expectations weren't high. God might move, He might not. We might feel passionate, but it might not last. We might cry, but then we'll forget. We feel really tight-knit now, but maybe three months from now we won’t talk.
It got to Friday, and I talked about this with Texas Cowboy over dinner. Then we went to the last session. I had a nervousness that I couldn’t shake, and though I was trying to remind myself that God does what He will and would do what He wants with the evening, I didn't fully believe He would actually do anything.
Then we had the song about Bob, and the chorus.
"Why did we feel alone, why were we on our own, when there's a place that's so much bigger on the inside? Our stories will soar far above, in a place that's filled with love, and ordinary heroes. Welcome to our world!"
Mr. S. shared at the beginning of his session about how Mark Wilson had told him that he was going to speak on Rivendell, without knowing that Mr. S’s last session was going to be on Hobbit Holes.
Those two things. I got an inkling that perhaps, maybe, this wasn’t just a coincidence. Maybe I had underestimated God- again.
One of the notes I took during Mr. S.’s session was the single line, “Rivendell is cooler than Mordor.” Cue moment of truth. This isn’t just about Hobbit Holes, and this isn’t just about us escaping real life. This is about tentacles of light going out into Mordor. This is about the Fellowship healing and preparing for the battle.
We all have our Mordors. Whether or not you consider OYAN home, we still have to go back to our real places of residence. Even if we all moved to Kansas, there’s a Mordor there, too. We can’t hide from evil. Fifty-one weeks of the year, you probably live in a place that’s more like Mordor then Rivendell.
OYAN, our Rivendell, feels like home because it is. It feels like healing because it is. We don’t want to leave because it’s beautiful. But even though we have to go back to Mordor, Rivendell is still cooler.
I was reminded strongly of the fact that I don’t often take Rivendell home with me. If Rivendell is cooler than Mordor, then why don't I try to be Rivendell? When the Fellowship went into the battle, they still had the light and hope that they had been given in the place of refuge. It was because of that hope that they were able to stand.
At the end of his session, Mr. S. shared about how they were concerned- just as some of us were- about us trying to make this Workshop like last year, about us trying to manufacture the same passion as last year. But God will do what He wants, regardless of us. And if we think we’ve got Him figured out, we’ll be wrong.
As Mr. S. talked about faith, I realized (again) that these ideas are so big. It took faith to write a curriculum. It took faith to hold a Workshop. It takes faith to love each other. It takes faith to dream about Hobbit Holes.
“First you must see it, then you can make it real.”
I started to see what I had been missing the rest of the week as Mr. S. spoke about Hobbit Holes and places of creativity and changing the world through faith.
What are we here for- why does OYAN exist, why do the Workshops exist? It’s so we can go home and continue to be Rivendell. In our cyber Rivendell, we don’t see face to face but we still talk heart to heart. Our Rivendell should be our interactions with each other. Our Rivendell should be our love for people, regardless.
I remember last year going home and thinking that “I’ve got to keep contact with these people.” But I’m terrible at that. I’m terrible at asking deep questions and consistently caring for and praying for people on OYAN.
So praying the prayer of being a Rivendell away from Kansas is a scary prayer for me, at least. Because I feel that even though we’re lights, when we walk in Mordor, it’s hard to see through the grey, and the swords of darkness are painful and difficult to evade.
I don’t know what my piece of the Rivendell should be. I know I belong. I know I’m a part of this movement, but as I sat in the session, I heard Mr. S. speak about faith in the impossible, and I prayed . Because I’m going home tomorrow, and what am I supposed to do? I’ve heard about writing and I’ve experienced family, and I’ve been challenged to shine light into a grey-shadowed world, whether it’s as a teacher or a sister or a writer or a friend. But Rivendell? I can't picture myself as one of the Fellowship.
It’s hard to pray those kind of prayers, because I don’t see myself suddenly becoming a bearer of Rivendell. I don’t see myself suddenly becoming good at relationships, or consistent in writing, or faithfully loving people, or pursuing the light.
Mr. S. read a piece of the Runt book, and one line stuck out to me.
“Don’t see yourself, you’ve seen too much of that already.”
Convicted feels like a cliché term, but that line was for me. I’m convinced of it. I look through my eyes at OYAN, at Rivendell, at my situation. I look through my own eyes at people.
But we are to be Rivendell, and God answers bold prayers. I could see that faith in the Schwabauers as they stood on stage, and in the standing ovation of teenagers who believed that this crazy dream of Hobbit Holes could be a reality.
“Don’t see yourself, you’ve seen too much of that already," became my prayer.
I came out of the Bell Center and saw the crowd of people praying over Mr. S. I didn’t feel the need to be in the circle this year. So I sat a little ways and sang the old hymns, hearing the hum of many teary voices and praying a prayer myself.
Thank you for OYAN, and get us ready, because we don’t know how we’re supposed to do this. We’ve found home, but we’re still broken pots, rusting instruments, paintings unfinished. Our capabilities are so much less than our dreams.
A couple people in the circle said things like “I know this feels like an end.” But I sat ten feet away and really felt strongly that this wasn’t supposed to be an end. Being with you was not supposed to make me just want to stay in Kansas.
I think it was Jonny who said to me that OYAN is a rocket, ready to launch. We’re don’t have all the parts, and we don’t know where the fuel to get there will come from, but this is the start. This is the journey to the darkest parts of Mordor, and though we’re going home to journey apart, we also journey together.
I am praying for more faith, for me; for all of us. I believe that OYAN is going to be a force; that our Rivendell is going to creep like spider fingers of light across this continent and this world. The light we have been given will permeate publishing houses and bookstores and mission fields and schools and homes and the brokenness that shadows Mordor.
I don’t know how we’re going to do any of these crazy things, but all I can say is that I want to stand by you guys. I want to stand in my own Mordor here in BC, and I want to fight with you and for you in our cyber-Rivendell. We need to. I’m looking forward to engaging with more of you online, and I’m looking forward to praying for you.
In 2012, I bawled most of Friday night and Saturday after feeling the weight of this community for the first time. This year I had some tears in the prayer circle, because of the awe of the fact that this is something God’s doing, and this is a beginning, and God is good, and even when we don’t have faith God still gives us what we need.
I haven’t felt the same sadness this year, and I’ve felt almost excited to go home with the things I've learned. The passion is less intense. Hopefully it’s deeper. Hopefully our commitment to Hobbit Holes and cyber-Rivendells and making it real will be stronger because of this Workshop. Hopefully we will not let each other forget.
I hesitate to promise, because I know I will stumble. But that’s the point of faith. We know that our light isn’t enough, but we also know the Light is enough. So I stand by Him, and we stand by each other.
Together or apart, we make it our aim to please Him. Remember that Mordor is ultimately defeated. Rivendell is the foretelling of our future. We will reach it someday. Take courage. We will not always live in the grey underlands.
Until next year, then, let’s make more of our world like Rivendell.
I love you all.
“fire burning brightly
flames of farewells in my throat
broke my stony heart
and took away its old crusts
when I said goodbye and looked
and saw those bright fires
and many burning farewells
that broke all our hearts
and built them back up again
and whispered a truth to me
there is no end
just a journey
and a home
and the duet between the two.”
-Jared Schmitz.
~Abby Walsh
Rivendell. Family. Home. Mordor. Ordinary. Sent out.
Prior to the Workshop, I had been praying about themes and what He might want to do with us as a family during this week. I had conversations with people where we talked about 2012 and the way that God knit the group together with prayer on the last night. But this year- this was a new year. One of my greatest fears coming into the SW was that we might try to replicate 2012. I didn’t want us to fake what sprung up organically. At the same time, I know that God is in the Workshops in a strong way. The Schwaubauers know that. We as an OYAN family know it. So at the same time as I was cautious, I was also excited about what might happen.
I’ve looked forward to this Workshop more than the previous ones. I finally feel like I have a place in OYAN. I have people who care about me. I have family, and I was going to see them again, face to face.
During the first few days of the Workshop, all my expectations on the family front were met. I met new friends. I hugged old ones for a long, long time. We took stupid pictures, we laughed; we signed t-shirts; we sat together at lunch and talked about Harry Potter and accents and writing styles and the future. But I didn’t yet notice a theme.
Mr. S. talked about ordinary heroes on Monday. Mark Wilson talked about Rivendells; havens for creativity. Braden’s song had been on my ipod since the Winter Workshop and I abused the replay button. But it didn’t click.
I was praying Thursday and Friday for something. I prayed that God would teach us to be ordinary heroes. I prayed that we would know how to go home. I prayed that we would be changed. But my faith was small. I’ve been to Workshops. I’ve come home on a high, then seen my passion filter out.
So my expectations weren't high. God might move, He might not. We might feel passionate, but it might not last. We might cry, but then we'll forget. We feel really tight-knit now, but maybe three months from now we won’t talk.
It got to Friday, and I talked about this with Texas Cowboy over dinner. Then we went to the last session. I had a nervousness that I couldn’t shake, and though I was trying to remind myself that God does what He will and would do what He wants with the evening, I didn't fully believe He would actually do anything.
Then we had the song about Bob, and the chorus.
"Why did we feel alone, why were we on our own, when there's a place that's so much bigger on the inside? Our stories will soar far above, in a place that's filled with love, and ordinary heroes. Welcome to our world!"
Mr. S. shared at the beginning of his session about how Mark Wilson had told him that he was going to speak on Rivendell, without knowing that Mr. S’s last session was going to be on Hobbit Holes.
Those two things. I got an inkling that perhaps, maybe, this wasn’t just a coincidence. Maybe I had underestimated God- again.
One of the notes I took during Mr. S.’s session was the single line, “Rivendell is cooler than Mordor.” Cue moment of truth. This isn’t just about Hobbit Holes, and this isn’t just about us escaping real life. This is about tentacles of light going out into Mordor. This is about the Fellowship healing and preparing for the battle.
We all have our Mordors. Whether or not you consider OYAN home, we still have to go back to our real places of residence. Even if we all moved to Kansas, there’s a Mordor there, too. We can’t hide from evil. Fifty-one weeks of the year, you probably live in a place that’s more like Mordor then Rivendell.
OYAN, our Rivendell, feels like home because it is. It feels like healing because it is. We don’t want to leave because it’s beautiful. But even though we have to go back to Mordor, Rivendell is still cooler.
I was reminded strongly of the fact that I don’t often take Rivendell home with me. If Rivendell is cooler than Mordor, then why don't I try to be Rivendell? When the Fellowship went into the battle, they still had the light and hope that they had been given in the place of refuge. It was because of that hope that they were able to stand.
At the end of his session, Mr. S. shared about how they were concerned- just as some of us were- about us trying to make this Workshop like last year, about us trying to manufacture the same passion as last year. But God will do what He wants, regardless of us. And if we think we’ve got Him figured out, we’ll be wrong.
As Mr. S. talked about faith, I realized (again) that these ideas are so big. It took faith to write a curriculum. It took faith to hold a Workshop. It takes faith to love each other. It takes faith to dream about Hobbit Holes.
“First you must see it, then you can make it real.”
I started to see what I had been missing the rest of the week as Mr. S. spoke about Hobbit Holes and places of creativity and changing the world through faith.
What are we here for- why does OYAN exist, why do the Workshops exist? It’s so we can go home and continue to be Rivendell. In our cyber Rivendell, we don’t see face to face but we still talk heart to heart. Our Rivendell should be our interactions with each other. Our Rivendell should be our love for people, regardless.
I remember last year going home and thinking that “I’ve got to keep contact with these people.” But I’m terrible at that. I’m terrible at asking deep questions and consistently caring for and praying for people on OYAN.
So praying the prayer of being a Rivendell away from Kansas is a scary prayer for me, at least. Because I feel that even though we’re lights, when we walk in Mordor, it’s hard to see through the grey, and the swords of darkness are painful and difficult to evade.
I don’t know what my piece of the Rivendell should be. I know I belong. I know I’m a part of this movement, but as I sat in the session, I heard Mr. S. speak about faith in the impossible, and I prayed . Because I’m going home tomorrow, and what am I supposed to do? I’ve heard about writing and I’ve experienced family, and I’ve been challenged to shine light into a grey-shadowed world, whether it’s as a teacher or a sister or a writer or a friend. But Rivendell? I can't picture myself as one of the Fellowship.
It’s hard to pray those kind of prayers, because I don’t see myself suddenly becoming a bearer of Rivendell. I don’t see myself suddenly becoming good at relationships, or consistent in writing, or faithfully loving people, or pursuing the light.
Mr. S. read a piece of the Runt book, and one line stuck out to me.
“Don’t see yourself, you’ve seen too much of that already.”
Convicted feels like a cliché term, but that line was for me. I’m convinced of it. I look through my eyes at OYAN, at Rivendell, at my situation. I look through my own eyes at people.
But we are to be Rivendell, and God answers bold prayers. I could see that faith in the Schwabauers as they stood on stage, and in the standing ovation of teenagers who believed that this crazy dream of Hobbit Holes could be a reality.
“Don’t see yourself, you’ve seen too much of that already," became my prayer.
I came out of the Bell Center and saw the crowd of people praying over Mr. S. I didn’t feel the need to be in the circle this year. So I sat a little ways and sang the old hymns, hearing the hum of many teary voices and praying a prayer myself.
Thank you for OYAN, and get us ready, because we don’t know how we’re supposed to do this. We’ve found home, but we’re still broken pots, rusting instruments, paintings unfinished. Our capabilities are so much less than our dreams.
A couple people in the circle said things like “I know this feels like an end.” But I sat ten feet away and really felt strongly that this wasn’t supposed to be an end. Being with you was not supposed to make me just want to stay in Kansas.
I think it was Jonny who said to me that OYAN is a rocket, ready to launch. We’re don’t have all the parts, and we don’t know where the fuel to get there will come from, but this is the start. This is the journey to the darkest parts of Mordor, and though we’re going home to journey apart, we also journey together.
I am praying for more faith, for me; for all of us. I believe that OYAN is going to be a force; that our Rivendell is going to creep like spider fingers of light across this continent and this world. The light we have been given will permeate publishing houses and bookstores and mission fields and schools and homes and the brokenness that shadows Mordor.
I don’t know how we’re going to do any of these crazy things, but all I can say is that I want to stand by you guys. I want to stand in my own Mordor here in BC, and I want to fight with you and for you in our cyber-Rivendell. We need to. I’m looking forward to engaging with more of you online, and I’m looking forward to praying for you.
In 2012, I bawled most of Friday night and Saturday after feeling the weight of this community for the first time. This year I had some tears in the prayer circle, because of the awe of the fact that this is something God’s doing, and this is a beginning, and God is good, and even when we don’t have faith God still gives us what we need.
I haven’t felt the same sadness this year, and I’ve felt almost excited to go home with the things I've learned. The passion is less intense. Hopefully it’s deeper. Hopefully our commitment to Hobbit Holes and cyber-Rivendells and making it real will be stronger because of this Workshop. Hopefully we will not let each other forget.
I hesitate to promise, because I know I will stumble. But that’s the point of faith. We know that our light isn’t enough, but we also know the Light is enough. So I stand by Him, and we stand by each other.
Together or apart, we make it our aim to please Him. Remember that Mordor is ultimately defeated. Rivendell is the foretelling of our future. We will reach it someday. Take courage. We will not always live in the grey underlands.
Until next year, then, let’s make more of our world like Rivendell.
I love you all.
“fire burning brightly
flames of farewells in my throat
broke my stony heart
and took away its old crusts
when I said goodbye and looked
and saw those bright fires
and many burning farewells
that broke all our hearts
and built them back up again
and whispered a truth to me
there is no end
just a journey
and a home
and the duet between the two.”
-Jared Schmitz.
~Abby Walsh
We, OYAN ~ Hannah
Here's a tiny taste of what's been mulling through my head for well over a week, a large tangle of half-thoughts that need corralled and pinned down.
----
We are global. Spread throughout the world, the continents, the countries, states, and provinces. And yet, we are connected. The epitome of our connectedness is when we congregate under the Kansas sun.
It’s amazing, the threads of love, kindness and acceptance that weave through this group.
No, we aren’t perfect. Yes, we have issues. Spats. Differences. Flame-wars. But beneath that—in spite of that—God is working in, around, above and through us. One analogy of life is that of a tapestry, and as God weaves our own personal tapestries, He’s running threads of each one of us through this tapestry called “OYAN,” and through our tapestries, OYAN winds its way. It looks tangled, crazy, far-fetched and sometimes painful from the view we see now. Someday, however, we’ll see it right-side-up, and it will be stunning.
My deepest friendships exist because of OYAN. Much of my life since 2009 has been shaped by this beautiful mess of quirky people.
I wonder if our teacher and his wife, both our mentors, ever imagined this happening. Did Dan and Carrol Schawbauer envision their box of three books, stack of DVDs, and web forum would explode this much? That they would be known affectionately as “Mr. and Mrs. S” to hundreds of young people that look up to them like a favorite aunt and uncle or a second set of parents? Did they know that their first tiny workshop hosted in a hotel would expand and take over an entire college campus? That teens from around the world would flock to their workshops year after year, coming to deepen their talents, friendships, and that in doing so would also deepen their relationship with God?
Did any of us ever imagine that a writing curriculum would rock our world?
I didn’t.
He cried that last night, Mr. S.
I did too, in the prayer circle, the muggy Kansas summer surrounding us like a hug, the sky overhead a soft black. People praying aloud, praying for Mr. and Mrs. S. and their newest dream, a creative arts foundation. Praying for each other and that praying morphing into singing—hearts praying as hymns and worship songs rose above us and melted into the night.
It’s amazing. Amid the classes, the craziness, the costumes. Amongst all the baggage we carry, the tough things life has thrown into our teeth. In the middle of us—of our mess, this knot of fragile misfits with a love for the stories inside of us and a desire to share them—inside of all of that, it’s beautiful.
We are beautiful.
~Hannah Mills at Sword of Ink
----
We are global. Spread throughout the world, the continents, the countries, states, and provinces. And yet, we are connected. The epitome of our connectedness is when we congregate under the Kansas sun.
It’s amazing, the threads of love, kindness and acceptance that weave through this group.
No, we aren’t perfect. Yes, we have issues. Spats. Differences. Flame-wars. But beneath that—in spite of that—God is working in, around, above and through us. One analogy of life is that of a tapestry, and as God weaves our own personal tapestries, He’s running threads of each one of us through this tapestry called “OYAN,” and through our tapestries, OYAN winds its way. It looks tangled, crazy, far-fetched and sometimes painful from the view we see now. Someday, however, we’ll see it right-side-up, and it will be stunning.
My deepest friendships exist because of OYAN. Much of my life since 2009 has been shaped by this beautiful mess of quirky people.
I wonder if our teacher and his wife, both our mentors, ever imagined this happening. Did Dan and Carrol Schawbauer envision their box of three books, stack of DVDs, and web forum would explode this much? That they would be known affectionately as “Mr. and Mrs. S” to hundreds of young people that look up to them like a favorite aunt and uncle or a second set of parents? Did they know that their first tiny workshop hosted in a hotel would expand and take over an entire college campus? That teens from around the world would flock to their workshops year after year, coming to deepen their talents, friendships, and that in doing so would also deepen their relationship with God?
Did any of us ever imagine that a writing curriculum would rock our world?
I didn’t.
He cried that last night, Mr. S.
I did too, in the prayer circle, the muggy Kansas summer surrounding us like a hug, the sky overhead a soft black. People praying aloud, praying for Mr. and Mrs. S. and their newest dream, a creative arts foundation. Praying for each other and that praying morphing into singing—hearts praying as hymns and worship songs rose above us and melted into the night.
It’s amazing. Amid the classes, the craziness, the costumes. Amongst all the baggage we carry, the tough things life has thrown into our teeth. In the middle of us—of our mess, this knot of fragile misfits with a love for the stories inside of us and a desire to share them—inside of all of that, it’s beautiful.
We are beautiful.
~Hannah Mills at Sword of Ink
Tuesday, 2 July 2013
Pain in the Night - Sian
People have posted and I meant to the night after OYAN ended, but stuff happened.
Y'know, like stuff does.
And now I'm curled up for half an hour, trying to think exactly how to say the stuff in my heart.
Friday night, June 21st, ended OYAN Summer Workshop 2013. I'd gone back to my dorm to put some stuff down before coming back, and missed the prayer over Mr S.
As I wandered back around the outskirts of the group praying and singing, eyes closed and tears streaming, Jonny came over to me, pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. I crumbled against him and started crying.
When I finally looked up as the crush of bodies increased, the OYAN people were three deep around me. I was nose to nose with Marybeth, also weeping, with Kristin's expressive chocolate eyes fixed on me with a sad, trembly smile on her lips.
This place isn't just any place. This place is our home because we are all there. No, not even that. We could all be there and have no bond or unity of spirit. This place isn't even home. These people are home. Because God is there.
I watched God descend that night.
I saw girls with long hair, ankle length skirts and loose t-shirts linking arms with girls in tighter, modern tops and shorts with cut, dyed hair, eyes closed and singing praise, praying together.
Guys (and I'm naming Gunnar, Jonny and Reuben here - I have so much respect for you three, sorry to anyone else I missed) gripped girls' hands in prayer and held them while they cried - and were unafraid to cry themselves.
I watched barriers crumble and denominations collapse the walls that night, and the fruition of our prayer group's and individual, broken hearted pleas come true.
I've grown in the past two years to dislike churches more and more, because of the cliques, because of the lack of acceptance if you don't become a member, because of the feeling of being a constant stranger, because of weak teaching (in some), because of denominational splits and how people find that more important than worshipping God in Christ, in Love. I had more in union of spirit with that group of young people before God than I've had in church in months.
God broke the barriers and united us in praise, in grief, in love and in worship.
It was a miracle. You know why? Because I'd been praying with the prayer group all that week, and still felt...something...was lacking. When I held my weeping daughter in my arms late into the night, and broke down myself at yet another gathering - we knew God was there, hearing us pray and cry and worship.
Friday morning, I skipped a session and went outside, curled up on the grass and broke down in tears like I haven't been able to for months, eyes and nose streaming. I'm so glad God makes our cries coherent.
I prayed for OYAN, for the guys with the broken hearts and souls I knew I couldn't fix, for those rivalries and factions, for the unity we have. I prayed for relationships, for personal stuff. For direction for the young leaders. And I prayed for God to come down.
And that night, I watched Him do it. That wasn't the first miracle in two weeks either.
As I was about to board the aeroplane for France, I wrapped up talking with my Mom. As you may know, our financial situation is not the best, and she hadn't got enough money for petrol. She asked me to pray that God would supply her with £50 by the end of the day, and I prayed with her on the phone. Then I suddenly remembered a £20 note I'd left her in the bedroom, which she went to get as we ended the call.
She rang me back as I was walking towards the entrance to the plane; "SIAN! I just want you to know that there's £40 there!"
...wow.
I'm kinda lost for words at this point. I just want you to know that God hears you. Hears every cry you make whether you think He does or not. He may not answer the way you want but oh yeah, He hears.
Part of my tears that night were healing. Because I prayed until I had run out of words that morning, and wasn't really expecting the answer. And then I watched Him answer out of Heaven and felt His presence amongst us that night.
Want to know something?
Home isn't where your heart is. Home is where God is. And that's the safest place to put your heart.
-Queen Jane by God's Grace/Sian Garner-Jones at Walk With Us
Y'know, like stuff does.
And now I'm curled up for half an hour, trying to think exactly how to say the stuff in my heart.
Friday night, June 21st, ended OYAN Summer Workshop 2013. I'd gone back to my dorm to put some stuff down before coming back, and missed the prayer over Mr S.
As I wandered back around the outskirts of the group praying and singing, eyes closed and tears streaming, Jonny came over to me, pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. I crumbled against him and started crying.
When I finally looked up as the crush of bodies increased, the OYAN people were three deep around me. I was nose to nose with Marybeth, also weeping, with Kristin's expressive chocolate eyes fixed on me with a sad, trembly smile on her lips.
This place isn't just any place. This place is our home because we are all there. No, not even that. We could all be there and have no bond or unity of spirit. This place isn't even home. These people are home. Because God is there.
I watched God descend that night.
I saw girls with long hair, ankle length skirts and loose t-shirts linking arms with girls in tighter, modern tops and shorts with cut, dyed hair, eyes closed and singing praise, praying together.
Guys (and I'm naming Gunnar, Jonny and Reuben here - I have so much respect for you three, sorry to anyone else I missed) gripped girls' hands in prayer and held them while they cried - and were unafraid to cry themselves.
I watched barriers crumble and denominations collapse the walls that night, and the fruition of our prayer group's and individual, broken hearted pleas come true.
I've grown in the past two years to dislike churches more and more, because of the cliques, because of the lack of acceptance if you don't become a member, because of the feeling of being a constant stranger, because of weak teaching (in some), because of denominational splits and how people find that more important than worshipping God in Christ, in Love. I had more in union of spirit with that group of young people before God than I've had in church in months.
God broke the barriers and united us in praise, in grief, in love and in worship.
It was a miracle. You know why? Because I'd been praying with the prayer group all that week, and still felt...something...was lacking. When I held my weeping daughter in my arms late into the night, and broke down myself at yet another gathering - we knew God was there, hearing us pray and cry and worship.
Friday morning, I skipped a session and went outside, curled up on the grass and broke down in tears like I haven't been able to for months, eyes and nose streaming. I'm so glad God makes our cries coherent.
I prayed for OYAN, for the guys with the broken hearts and souls I knew I couldn't fix, for those rivalries and factions, for the unity we have. I prayed for relationships, for personal stuff. For direction for the young leaders. And I prayed for God to come down.
And that night, I watched Him do it. That wasn't the first miracle in two weeks either.
As I was about to board the aeroplane for France, I wrapped up talking with my Mom. As you may know, our financial situation is not the best, and she hadn't got enough money for petrol. She asked me to pray that God would supply her with £50 by the end of the day, and I prayed with her on the phone. Then I suddenly remembered a £20 note I'd left her in the bedroom, which she went to get as we ended the call.
She rang me back as I was walking towards the entrance to the plane; "SIAN! I just want you to know that there's £40 there!"
...wow.
I'm kinda lost for words at this point. I just want you to know that God hears you. Hears every cry you make whether you think He does or not. He may not answer the way you want but oh yeah, He hears.
Part of my tears that night were healing. Because I prayed until I had run out of words that morning, and wasn't really expecting the answer. And then I watched Him answer out of Heaven and felt His presence amongst us that night.
Want to know something?
Home isn't where your heart is. Home is where God is. And that's the safest place to put your heart.
-Queen Jane by God's Grace/Sian Garner-Jones at Walk With Us
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